Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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