we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
