No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
be right there i have to get my cape
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
