I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
