Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
