It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
