Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
