I wish my penis had an off switch
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
