Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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