Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
