3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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