There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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