I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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