Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
