like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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