you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
