so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
