i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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