I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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