Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize