Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
