i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
