this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
