Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
