; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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