The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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