You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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