did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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