dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Someone came in the potted fern
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing