I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help