he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The dick lei will go down in squad history