Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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