I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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