so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost