Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?