Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
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He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day