So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.