i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player