I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
That accounts for only three of the penises
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.