Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
