Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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