We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
