hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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