a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I didn't notice because vodka
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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