I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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