Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
