from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
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