you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
