worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
