i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
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just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
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I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize