I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
