Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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