U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
