That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
