My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
where am i from again
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
