i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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