dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
