Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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