Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
