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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."

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• (323): View more from California

  Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk

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• (909): View more from California

  According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Why Weren't you wearing pants?

  (647): View more from Ontario

  because pants are for people with no imagination

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.

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