The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.