the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
