Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize