I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
