There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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