My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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