people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
His hands were made for my vagina.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
