Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
